No Jasper
by mjl113
Summary: Could his birthday get any worse? no spelling check, wrote it quickly, sorry


CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER

The door slammed behind me as I carried in the birthday cake I had picked up for Jasper. I big grin on my face as I thought about surprising him with being home early from work. I placed the cake on the kitchen table and turn to head for our bedroom.

I couldn't believe Jasper was turning 25. I was a year younger than him but my birthday was around the corner as well.

As I headed up the stairs I heard a banging noise and a low moan. I stopped dead on the stairs and closed my eyes from the immediate wave of grief I felt.

I hadn't even gone fully up the stairs and I knew, I knew what Jasper was doing already. A gift to himself I suppose, to pick up some twink from the bar and fuck their brains out in our bedroom and fuck me later.

When Jasper and I first got together it had started of as just fuck buddies to him but I had felt a deep connection with him and just kept coming back for more even if I knew Jasper slept with anyone and everyone. He didn't do monogamous, he said when I had developed enough courage and asked him out on a real date, but we still fucked.

I stood on the stairs and as silent tears fell. I knew it was going to be hard for him to stop whoring around but I thought he could do it if he loved me And it was him who had finally said that he wanted to me monogamous with me. I was thrilled but I knew that it was hard for Jasper, and so for the first couple months when I would catch him with a person or 2 I let it slide because he would apologize profusely and say he loved me and it was the last time. That was about 3 months ago and I had finally thought that he was done with his ways and he seriously wanted to be with me. But now while I climbed up the stairs and heard Jasper soft husky voice saying "aw yeah…yeah…" over and over with that slight southern twang that came out when he was aroused and the twink he was fucking moans , I knew Jasper just didn't love me. How could someone who love you do this to you repeatedly? When he knew what this did to me. And on his birthday of all days.

I stopped in front our bedroom door. The room in which he first told me he loved me and was scared of loving me. Scared of being in a relationship with me because he didn't know how to be in one. In our room where he had finally declared that he would stop with the bar fucks and he just wanted us to be with us. In the room where he had fucked 5 other people including this twink, after saying he wanted no one else but me. After telling me over and over that this was the last guy from the club or bar that he just needed a release needed to feel like him, but it mean nothing to him that he would always love me.

I opened that door and stood and stared at the scene before me.

There Jasper was half smirk on face, looking as if it was the best pleasure in the world slamming back into the twink, in and out in and out. Again and again. "yeah…aw fuck..yah" he would groan and gripped the twinks hips harder and started to slam into him. I could see his dick plunge into the body beneath his. And I just couldn't do it anymore , I couldn't deal with the pain of being with Jasper entailed. It was worth it anymore. Any of the time he was with me and made me feel wonderful and loved , it wasn't worth knowing that he was probably still fucking someone on the side.

I slammed the door shut behind me.

Jasper stopped abruptly and turned his head in my direction.

"Fuck Edward, this..this..isnt…"

The twink underneath him turned his head towards me and jasper.

"whats going on Jasper? Im game if you want him to join us"

Jasper cursed softly as he pulled he still hard dick out of the twink

"alec I think you should leave"

alec, apparently, turned and looked furious

"what the hell man I was almost there, look could we just finish up and.."

"JUST LEAVE ALEC NOW" jasper growled.

Alec sneered at him and shoot me a dirty look and grabbed his things and left.

Jasper looked at me desprately

"Edward, babe…just calm down c'mere"

I looked at him, still naked dick glistening with lube and still hard from being minutes away from release in that twinks ass and I just shook my head at him and turned away tears streaming down my face as I hurried downstairs to the bathroom,

"Shit Edward, wait…just wait"

I heard Jasper fumbled behind me trying to find some pants to put on.

I got to the bathroom quickly and throw up in the toilet, face clammy and sweaty.

I felt him behind me as he bent to rub my shoulders but I flinched away from him

"Don't touch me" I whispered to him and he immediately drew back.

"Babe, I'm sorry just please let me explain."

I quickly wiped my mouth and stood. I glared at him with all the hatred and hurt he had caused me. Pushed him out of my way as I went to the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Edward, you know I lov-"

boom, my fist connected with his handsome face and Jasper staggered back a bit staring in complete shock at me. I had never hit him before in my life. Never, not even when I found him countless time in our bed with some trick.

"Don't Jasper, Don't ever again tell me that. You don't know what love is because it sure as fuck isn't this. Im so done with this bullshit Jasper, im tired of it. So please don't. You have until tomorrow to pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house"

I was sobbing now but I couldn't have him stay here couldn't have him continue to use me and think it was okay. God I loved him but I couldn't keep up this bullshit forever.

"Edward stop, I'm sorry it will never happen again, you know its hard for me but I love you just you" Jasper told me fiercely trying to get me to look into his eyes but I refused looking away from him everytime he try to get in my face.

"Edward please I cant live with out y-you…p..please."

I had never heard Jasper stutter before so I looked at him and saw silent tears falling and it made me want to forgive him but I couldn't my heart had been stomped on ,ripped, spit on and crushed to many times by him.

"No jasper." I said softly and looked away. I walked away from him and sat on the couch. I heard him follow after a couple mintues and sat on the ground by my feet. I tentatively reached out and touched my knee. I still flinched at his touch but said nothing. He placed his whole hand there and than laid his face there as he cried face buried in my lap.

"i-I'm sorry Edward, so sorry youll never know how much. I love you god I do and even if you don't think I know what it Is I do. Its everytime I look at you. Wake up next to you, make love to you. I know you don't believe me but Im scared. Im scared im not good enough for you, I know im not good enough for you. You're the first person I have ever been with in a relationship, first person I loved, first person that made me want to be better. But I'm terrifed of loving you the way I do. Scared that I lose myself in you and forget everything and everyone else. That's why I thought I'd do it, just this once before you got home and that be it. I'd show myself that I didn't need that anymore that I loved you and that I was okay to lose myself in you be in love the way I am with you. But than you saw and the look on your face when you saw us…i-it was" he sobbed hard in my lap and gripped my legs

"I've never seen you look that way, so devoid of passion for everything, f-for me. You looked at me as if I was a stranger, as if you just couldn't look at me ever again. And it killed me Edward , I know its no one fault but my own for giving you that expression, but I love you and your passion and…and I never want you to lose it for anything b-b-but especially me."

He continued sobbing in my lap quietly now.

I let tears fall as I grabbed his head and lifted towards me.

His beautiful face had splotches of red and his eyes were swollen from crying. He looked beautiful to me.

"Jasper, I do love you and I understand that you may love me in some way. But its…I don't think you love me enough to give up your old ways." I sighed and took a breath and shook my head at him to let me continue.

"I get what your saying Jasper…but god do you know how much it hurts to walk in on your lover and see him with someone else.." a choked sobbed escaped me "japer I looked the other way 4 times after we first became exculsive because it was still new to you but…it had been a awhile since than I I believed you had truly come to love me enough to stop…but to find out that you haven't at all. It just kills me" I wiped tears from underneath my eyes

"its not good for us to be together jasper. Me for constantly getting hurt and you from not being who you are or finding that person who will be able to change you…and god this hurts.. its not me Jasper."

I lifted his head kissed his forehead and moved to get up but he grabbed me tighter around the legs.

"Jasper im going to the guest room to be alone, just please get your stuff at leave."

He gripped me tighter

"NO EDWARD NO, P-P-PLEASE DON'T , NOT THIS I L-L-OVE YOU SO MUCH I-I-I CANT BE WITHOUT YOU. DON'T MAKE ME LEAVE P-P-PLEASE. ILL CHANGE I SWEAR I NEVER WANT TO ME WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU IF YOU LET ME STAY."

I shook my head at him "Jasper how many times have you told me that, and how many times have we been found in this same situation. Jasper its you who needs to just want to be with me not just me that's wants you to just me with me"

"But I do Edward I do! I just want to be with you all the time every day it just s-s-scares me sometimes and I was able to igonore it for awhile, but today i-i- couldn't but it will never happened again I promised you, I can never not have you"

I primed his fingers from my legs and stood I walked away and at the foot of the stairs I turned back to him.

"No jasper." I turned around my chest caving in on itself as I walked up to my room.

I heard his broken sobs all night as I fell asleep.


End file.
